Knowing your limits

What do you know of your limits – emotional, physical, mental and spiritual? What is the necessary amount of space you need to function at your best and not collapse into a gibbering stressed heap or explode into a crazy raging person?

How are you protecting that space with good boundaries?

We learn much from paying attention to when things go wrong and our boundaries have been crossed. Notice the last time you felt totally drained and overwhelmed with life. No reserves of patience or grace for anyone else, and a very short fuse of intolerance. It is often our Nearest and Dearest who get it in the neck – what would they say about what you are like when your energy reserves are depleted?

Resentment can be a useful messenger.

When we find ourselves resenting what we do for others, and perceiving that we are our own (and possibly everyone eles’s) lowest priority, this needs to be noticed. 

What does that feel like in your own body? Where do you experience it – perhaps in your gut, or in a tension headache, or in tight shoulders? Perhaps you notice your energy suddenly slump, or that tears are just pricking the backs of your eyes at the smallest sign of conflict. 

When we find that the cost of doing things for others causes us to feel neglected and uncared for and resentment creeps in, we have gone beyond our limits. 

We have crossed our own boundaries. 

But need this situation have arisen? Sometimes, life just seems to chuck a whole bucket load of circumstances at you at the same time, over which you have little control. However… and I say this to myself….generally, we have much more responsibility and choice here than we think. There are always things that we CAN control, not least our own response.

Living beyond our limits.

If we choose to live stretched to the limit in all areas, there will be no room for absorbing any extra crises or demands that turn up unexpectedly. If we choose to pack our time full and expend energy in multiple different areas at once, are we surprised that we get to the end of the week and we are exhausted, drained, and the ones we love most suffer most?

This is both about what drains our energy, and the lack of what is energy giving for us. Like filling up a bath, if the water is draining out too fast with no water going in, then the bath will remain empty. 

Learning to create boundaries around our time and energy by saying ‘no’ to things that stretch us too far. This might include noticing our self talk around what we ‘ought’ to do, and checking in on our motivation for saying yes too quickly to requests from others. 

Seasons change and so too do our limits. In busier seasons when there are a lot of external demands on our time over which we have no control, having enough in our lives that top up our energy becomes more important.

This might include planning things in to your week that bring creative, emotional, physical and mental rest. Our rest needs change, and there is not a one-size-fits-all rest for our weariness. More on that here. 

 

Knowing your limits. 

In coaching we talk a lot about closing the gap. The gap between what I want to do and what I actually find myself doing. The gap between awareness and action.

For example, we live beyond our limits and explode or feel overwhelmed. This is not how we want to be living. But we are always learning, so we choose to reflect on what happened and why. We can then choose to take different actions the next time, and start to close that gap between how we want to be living and our actual behaviour.

As always, it helps to ask ourselves questions:

• At what point did I start to feel overwhelmed, and what contributed to that?
• What is missing from my life this week that usually gives me energy?
• How much of my time this week has been taken up on things that drain my energy?
• Have I taken any time just for me, without guilt?
• Where is the anger and resentment coming from?
• What am I responsible for here, and what am I not?
• And – crucially and always – what and who are most important here?

How would you answer those questions for yourself when you are heading towards overwhelm? What do you know of your own limits?

This isn’t about being a selfish island. This is about understanding and valuing yourself so you can be the best version of yourself to those around you. Knowing and respecting your limits is not weakness but wisdom. Communication is crucial here – what do those around you expect of you? Do they know your limits, and do you know theirs? This is where we will go next time.

Knowing your limits and learning to respect them – take a little time this week to consider one small change you can make this week.